Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Of Fear And Hope
I am sitting in my school cafeteria as I write this, surrounded by talking, laughing happy people.
And I just had the scare of my life.
I was looking around, seeing everything but not looking at anything in particular and I looked up to this young man standing in the doorway, in a big black coat and large sunglasses, he had a large object in his hand, and from the side profile of him, and at a first glance looked like a barrel of a rifle.
Thank God only a few moments later he turned and I saw that it was filming equipment for the media students.
But it scared the heck out of me – I am not a paranoid or jumpy person, if anything I’m the exact opposite and don’t think enough about the dangers in certain circumstances.
But this actually made me start to shake, my reaction time was slow because I was so shocked at what I thought I had seen, so all I did was stare.
But it made me think: ‘What if it had been a weapon? What would I have done? What could I do?’
I don’t think I can be blamed for coming to the conclusion that a student has taken a gun into the school, what with all the school shootings lately.
I have found myself wondering ‘What’s stopping someone from doing that again?’
And that’s where my thoughts stop. I have to stop them, because I am told not to be fearful and it’s an unbased fear.
Or is it? I am torn between wanting to know that I am safe in my school, while at the same time I don’t want it to be like a penitentiary with metal detectors and police everywhere.
I come to the conclusion that all one can do is trust, and hope nothing like that happens; because as it is, there are no safeguards (that I’m aware of) against it.
Just last week there was a suicide in the residence of my college; a young man had OD’ed on pills and locked himself in his room.
And all of a sudden I look around the cafeteria and I wonder, how many of these people are on the edge? How many feel hopeless, lost and threatened?
It’s a terrifying and disgusting thought, I don’t want to think of my peers as potential threats, but what else can I do?
All I can do is ignore that fear, and trust in God.
Don’t misunderstand, I’m not fearful in my school or am constantly on edge about what people could do. But it’s the little reminders, and memories of the depravity that has happened in other schools and it makes me get nervous.
We are in an unstable world, where there is no set morality and right and wrong are mere shades of grey.
It is then that I find myself thanking God the most for His promises and assurances.
I have someone to lean on and to trust in, someone who will never let me down and never leave me. How many people can claim that? How many students can feel that sort of comfort in a world that tells them to go on feeling and emotion alone?
When a person has nowhere stable to plant themselves, the odds of cracking are huge, I believe that the pressures of the world are too much for a person alone.
I get frightened, but even in that I have hope. I know that everything is for a reason, and that I have the prayers of my family and friends over me.
And so my fear passes, I learn to trust a little more – and all those things that I cannot control, I know God can.